What does it take to transform your
life in a way that you find greater meaning and satisfaction in what you do on
a daily basis? Psychotherapy is certainly one option but the effects
aren't often as long-lasting as we prefer; it also often takes considerable
time and resources. I teach and supervise therapists for a living so I'm a big
fan of the power that such an experience can have. And yet. . . there are other
ways to find meaning in our lives and produce life-altering transitions. For
instance, religious or spiritual involvement is a path that is often chosen. Others
seek salvation in their work or immerse themselves in social activities. Still
others pursue greater satisfaction and meaning through creative outlets or
through reading and studying subjects of interest. I would suggest, however,
that it is through service to others that we can most easily produce
transformative changes--not only in those we help, but also in ourselves.
There is such a hunger that many of us feel to find greater meaning
in our lives and work, to engage more meaningfully with those we love, to
create deeper intimacy in all our relationships, to feel the incredible (and
frightening) thrill of encountering new experiences that move us emotionally,
intellectually, and also deep in our souls. This search for deeper engagement
with life is what leads to travel, education, to devour stimulating readings (to read
articles like this!), but also destructive forms of self-medication that are
intended to stifle that inner voice that challenges our current life choices.
So how can we most effectively (and swiftly) produce such life-changing
experiences?
I would submit that one consistently
powerful option that often has lasting effects involves reaching out to others
who are neglected, ignored, oppressed, abused, or marginalized--those most in
need. It seems to make little difference exactly what you do, whether it is in
your local community or a remote village abroad, whether you work with one
person or a large group, whether you teach, mentor, support, consult, or build
something; they key is feeling like you are doing some good. Your own life
feels redeemed by your effort to use what you know, what you may have suffered
or endured, what you can do, to help others who would otherwise have been left
to flounder.
To select one problem that I find
especially heart-wrenching is the prevalence of sex
trafficking around the world. In one small region of Nepal, a place I have been
working for many years, there are over 12,000 girls each year who are kidnapped
or sold into sex slavery, some as young as 8 years old. These are mostly lower
caste girls whose families have experienced catastrophic illness, deprivation,
or hardships. With little money or resources to support all the children in
school, it is the young girls who are most at risk. Whatever assistance or
interventions that are offered by volunteers, it has been fascinating for me to
observe the ways that their own lives have been transformed in unexpected ways.
It is not uncommon that people return from these service trips resolved to
enrich their friendships, build greater intimacy with their families, make
abrupt shifts in their careers, or initiate dramatic changes in their
lifestyles. Many of these life-changing experiences result from the
transcendent feeling of greater meaning and purpose that often accompanies altruistic efforts.
"I meet these children and,
initially, I feel such pity and hopelessness for their plight," one
volunteer shared. "But then I realize that it is really my life
that has been so impoverished in many ways. As little as these people have,
they are often far happier and more engaged with daily life than almost anyone
I know back home." It is gifts such as this that increase our awareness
that it really makes little difference what we have, what we own, what
resources we control or power we wield; rather
So, the big question is that if you
wanted to change your life, how would you go about doing that through paths
other than the more traditional education, therapy, or reading? The answer is
one you'd anticipate, but also one you'd prefer to deny: It means making some
tough choices about priorities and values followed by sustained hard work. It
also often involves taking constructive risks that involve a certain amount of
sacrifice, pain, and inconvenience.
Each of us has a responsibility to
take care of those who are less fortunate, who suffer terribly and without hope.
It is through such service and activism that we not only make a difference for
those who need help the most, but we also transform our own lives in ways that
provide deeper meaning and greater satisfaction.
Growing up I felt pretty useless and
inept, wondering if I would ever do anything of significance. I got caught up
in ambition and achievement, trying to prove my worth through academic or
professional success. It doesn't feel like I ever made a conscious choice to
devote my life to service but rather it was chosen for me. How could I, how
could anyone, ignore injustice or deprivation or suffering and not do
something about it? When the very first girl in remote Nepal was pointed out to
me and I was told she would be sold into slavery, I never stopped to think
about the consequences of doing something to rescue her. It was only afterwards
that I realized that once I had made that initial effort I really had no other
choice except to follow through on what I started quite impulsively. Frankly,
the responsibility terrifies me.
Each of us has an opportunity to make
a difference in the world in our own small way. It doesn't matter whether it is
in your own community or another remote part of the world. Sure, giving money
to causes can help, but it is no substitute for sharing our love, caring, and
expertise with people directly, especially with those who are most neglected
and desperate. One of the amazing joys of activism and promoting social justice
is not just what it does for those we help, but how our own lives are
transformed by the experience.
